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I'm naked because they'll never recognize me without my uniform
Posted:Aug 18, 2018 8:51 am
Last Updated:Aug 18, 2018 4:24 pm

Have you ever run out of bread so you made a sandwich with a hamburger bun ? Why does that seem to wrong ? Somehow using a bagel seems less wrong . Also that sentence makes no sense because a hamburger bun IS bread . But you know what I mean .

I called customer service for the bank that has all the money that was left in my health savings account from my last job and the lady asked if I had my account number and I said yes and she was astonished . And then she asked if I knew what my last charge was and I said yes and she was astonished . And then she asked if I knew my PIN and I said yes and she was astonished . And so on . Clearly she wasn't used to getting a lot of cooperation .

People LOVE to shit all over customer service , and rightly so in some cases but I bet a lot of the time it's just as bad from the other angle - people call in demanding something being fixed without having any information or even really knowing what they want .

The closest I've ever come to working customer service is once in a blue moon at my old job they'd offer triple time to anyone who would come help out taking calls in the bankruptcy department . All I ever did was try to explain to people that declaring bankruptcy was not a get out of jail free card where you just got to keep all your stuff for free . I don't think any of them believed me - until they got evicted from their house anyway .

I was chatting with a gal last night and she sent me a picture of her face and it reminded me of a long time ago when that happened and after I said whatever I said the lady expressed her gratitude and surprise that I didn't make some remark about wanting to ejaculate on said face . She asked me why I didn't say that and I said to her I said "Well mostly because I don't want to do that but also even if I did that seems like it would be coming on pretty strong - no pun intended" . She thought that was the funniest thing ever even though it's not .

Humor is strange .

I posted this long ago , but here's some highlights from that conversation . For context my profile at the time talked a lot about trains .

Her - Do you think you could get in a train locomotive and just by moving the switches and levers at random make the train move down the track ?

Me - Eventually I'm sure something would happen .

Her - At a high rate of speed ?

Me- Oh yes , I'm sure it would be barreling out of control if I got it moving .

Her - And do you think , again , by just moving the controls at random you could get the train to stop .

Me - Maybe , a sudden stop probably not , just getting it to stop at all ? Sure .

Her - Would you be willing to strike things that were on the tracks , like cars ?

Me - I don't think there's a lot of choice there right ? You can't really steer a train .

Her - And would you be willing to tell people that you took the train without permission ?

Me - I'd probably try to blame someone else somehow .

Her - And would you start a fight with someone ?

Me - Like who ?

Her - Anyone who was around .

Me - Probably not .

Her - Do you think you could drive a train over a cliff and live ?

Me - Why would train tracks take you off a cliff ? You do know that trains have tracks right ?

Her - Would you just go somewhere and wait there until I contacted you ?

Me - Sure

Her - Even if it was years later ?

Me - Maybe , depends where I am .

Her - Do you smoke ?

Me - No

Her - Would you ?

Me - Sure

Her - Would you smoke a lot ?

Me - As much as it takes .

Her - Can you operate a crane ?

Me - No .

Her - Well that's good , we don't need anyone swinging a crane around . Do you ever have one of those days where you wake up and you wonder , what am I doing on this planet ?

Me - Many times .

Her - Would you be willing to change your religion ?

Me - Maybe

Her - Would you be willing to publicly renounce Jesus Christ as your lord and savior ?

Me - Sure

Her - Are you familiar with ants ?

Me - I've seen them in movies .

Her - Would you be willing to let ants crawl on you and bite you ?

Me - Sure

Her - How many ants would you let bite you ?

Me - As many as it takes .
Aliens love dreadlocks
Posted:Aug 17, 2018 6:55 pm
Last Updated:Aug 18, 2018 8:21 am

Now wondering , is Forest Whitaker a scientologist ?

But more importantly , now we know that aliens love dreadlocks we must ask ourselves - why ?

And does this prove the ancient astronauts theory ? Did aliens visit earth in primitive times and people saw their hair and were like "yeah" ?

Did you know that dreadlocks were a part of the formal attire for Greek hoplites ? I didn't . I doubt 300 would have been as popular with a bunch of white guy dreadlocks all over the place .

I wrong or did Micky Rourke have dreadlocks for a while ? That was a trainwreck .

I wonder what Mickey Rourke thinks about his life .

Did you know that lady from DS9 (the tall one not the little one) married Leonard Nimoy's son ? I didn't . If you found out all the main cast members of all the Star Trek shows had married children of other Star Trek cast members would you think it was some kind of cult ? I would .

I watched part of the Exorcist 2 the other day and remembered that James Earl Jones is in that movie . He was also in Conan the Barbarian . And Allan Quartermain . And Best of the Best . That dude has been in some terrible movies . I wonder what actor has the closest ratio if prestigious awards to truly dreadful credits .

Which is worse , accidentally helping someone you dislike or accidentally hindering someone you like ?
Would I like to delete the recording ? No , I would LOVE to delete it
Posted:Aug 13, 2018 6:18 pm
Last Updated:Aug 17, 2018 1:30 pm

Last night I watched a documentary about a supposedly semi-famous/infamous dude from the great state of Iowa who I had never heard of - which calls his fame into question yeah ?

He was a big time psychologist (psychiatricist ? therapist ? ) back in the 80's when everyone was into that . He was credited for all kind of research on how people tried to manipulate each other and why it worked .

Guess what he did in this spare time ?

They had several interviews with his now ex-wife , the woman he was cheating on said wife with at the time and the woman with whom he was having a "non-penetrative sexual affair with" at that same time . That's how they phrased it . They must have said "non-penetrative sexual affair with" at least 30 times .

And why ? A good 30% of the "film" were graphic retellings of all the stuff he did with lady #2 so why didn't they just say what he was up to with lady #3 ? Did they just do that to make it seem more interesting than "oh had another lady that just did mouth stuff" ? It was odd .

But the whole thing was odd - the documentary I mean . Such as a lot of it was dedicated to testimony from a trial but the never said what he was on trial for . At first I assumed he had killed his wife but they had present day interviews with all three women . What the heck was he on trial for ? They never said .

"40 you just weren't paying attention and you missed that part"

Wrong ! not one of you multi-taskers or someone who has the TV on "for background noise" when watching TV I have laser focus . TV is my real mom , I owe it to her .

Remember on American Gods when the chick that played Scully , representing the new god of media , said that people give her a sacrifice better than burnt offerings or money - they give her time . I do .

Also riddle me this , aren't recording devices banned on courtrooms ? So why do they always have recordings of court testimony to play ? Are they really playing a deposition or something and just saying "well this is pretty much what they said in court ?"

Anyway , they had a lot of woman talking about how good this guy was at manipulating people but it seemed kind of lame to me . This main move seemed to be giving someone a couple grand they were supposed to give to someone else and then people were over the moon because he trusted them with a pile of . Doesn't that seem kind of rudimentary ? I suppose the real trick was finding the right people who didn't expect anyone to ever trust them ?

Speaking of I saw ANOTHER profile where a dude was saying he wants a woman who's "trusting" . Do all these guys really mean trustworthy or are they really just being upfront about wanting someone gullible they can lie to ?

Anyway , listening to women talk about this fellow's "skills" put me in a mind of the times I've heard one of the my dirtbag acquaintances on the phone with one of their baby-mommas/meal-tickets/ mommas and they talking about how much they love them and they need them and yada yada yada and I always thought "this seems very obviously manipulative to me , why does anyone fall for it ?' And again , I assume the key is finding the right victim .

Plus , just like me and the Stacy Webber scenario I mentioned probably they DO know they're being manipulated but they want so badly for that to be the case they just go along with it .

Something I've been pondering lately - if people magically lost the ability for self-delusion do you think the world would be a better place or worse ?

Some people confronted with the true reality of their nature would probably dedicate themselves to trying to be better .

But I feel like a lot more people once their comfy blanket of lies was taken away would lean into their shittiness and become even worse .

I mean obviously in the long run it would be better once you built a society to support people without the capacity for deluding themselves but I think things would get so bad in the short team maybe we wouldn't make it .

I wonder what thing most deluded about . The frustrating part is I'll probably never know . My brain's a real dick like that .

I've got the place surrounded brain - don't make me come in there and get you .
Just the tip
Posted:Aug 11, 2018 5:21 pm
Last Updated:Aug 13, 2018 5:44 pm

Oh man , the greatest thing just happen . My sister and I went to see The Meg at the local "café" movie theater and after the movie was over and we were kind of milling around the oh-so-cute little server girl kind of leans in and says to me "If you weren't here with your girlfriend I'd give you my number" and I says to her I says "You're in luck because that's my sister" .

The look of sheer TERROR that came over her face was literally priceless . It's my favorite thing that's happened in a long time .

I laughed to let her know I knew the deal and it was "cool" and I asked her if that usually works . And she said "Usually , but only with guys who are with a girl - they're starved for female attention ."

Sometimes life is beautiful .
On a Clear Day You Can See Forever
Posted:Aug 11, 2018 1:43 pm
Last Updated:Aug 14, 2018 5:40 pm

When Playboy first came around did they intentionally make their magazine look like Playbill or why when I see an old Playbill do I always think it's a Playboy ?

You can all rest easy the mystery has been solved . As everyone who reads this log knows I get an annoying pimple on my balls every X months and it went on long enough that I started paying more attention to when/where/why/how and I think I have enough evidence now to state that it's the result of shaving my junk - which is why it used to happen a lot more . It makes sense because if you believe the internet (which you do) the most common cause of acne of the scrotum is an ingrown hair .

So I guess it's a good thing I'm unlikely to ever have regular sex again . And I know that women generally don't care if you shave because it's all gross down there anyway but ball hair is the worst and I hate it . I mean the balls themselves are no picnic but the hair makes it 7.4 times worse .

Anyway , on the off chance we ever bang ; sorry it's going to be a jungle down there .

At my old job I worked with a trans lady (or maybe just a cross-dresser , is there a difference in some cases ? I don't know) and I don't remember there ever being any issues . But at my new job there's a trans lady there and two older employees talk shit about her constantly - 20% of that is because she sucks at her job but 80% of it is pure trans-bashing . Which is annoying enough but they also having long conversations about what's going on "down there" and what they can see through her skirt .

The other day trans lady came up to these two chuckleheads to ask them about something for work and out of nowhere the lady chucklehead says "Does it get hard ?" How could anyone ever think that was okay ? Imagine how you'd feel if someone just randomly started asking questions about your genitals .

I briefly thought about reporting them to HR but honestly what's the point . Nothing's going to happen . And here's the thing , I don't think you should be fired for that . Isn't that awful ? If this was a POC instead of a transgender individual I would say "fire them !" What does that say about me ? Nothing good .

What I wonder is if there were no problems at my old job because in that case if you didn't know you wouldn't know . You know . Whereas this lady at my new job it's pretty clear what the deal is .

Also in another potential show of subtle anti-transism I wonder about the kids of this lady . Your dad turning into a second mom has to be kind of a mindfuck right ? Or maybe it just rolls off the backs of kids these days . Who knows . Maybe with younger kids it's kind of okay but I feel like if you're a teenager and one of your parents is transitioning you're probably going to be a real asshole about it .

Speaking of I ran into Stacy Webber's HS boyfriend this week at Walgreens . It always kind of weirds me out when people from when I was a kid recognize me because do I look anything like I did then ? It doesn't seem like it .

As I'm sure you all remember Stacy Webber is the girl who when I was 16 told me to meet her after tennis practice and we could make out and instead her boyfriend (this dude) and his cronies were there to kick the shit out of me . They had some thorny branch they kept saying they were going to shove up my ass and they did strip me nude from the waist down but they didn't go through with it - although they had shoved things in my ass before . I wonder if that's why I like giving rimjobs now .

Anyway as I do whenever I run into one my old torments I thought about extracting some kind of revenge and people always say "Oh , that was a such a long time ago , they're probably not like that anymore" which to me indicates that they don't understand revenge . That makes it better . If this guy was just a nice dude who never did anything bad now that's the best time to cut his foot off and burn it in front of him because he doesn't deserve it - just like I didn't deserve what he did to me back then . That's the whole point .

I mean really if the guy was still an asshole there wouldn't be any reason to get back at him . Ya dig ?

And yes , I know what you're thinking "40 , Stacie Webber would have never made out with you , you had to know it was a trap" . Here's the thing , I assumed that it probably was but I wanted it to be true so much I did it anyway . Anyone who's ever been in a relationship knows what I mean . Things are starting to go south and you know the ending is going to be bad but you so badly want it to work out that you just plow ahead anyway .

And then you get cornhole with a pinecone . Emotionally .

I started a couple fake twitter accounts to spread different conspiracies and see which one catches on . Which one do you think people will like ?

The McDonalds Corporation is planning to resurrect John Lennon as part of a plot to destroy public television

The Republican Party wants prevent the creation of a utopian world government and plans to achieve this by polluting the public airwaves with sarin gas

The frozen head of Walt Disney is going to use sexist Twitter posts to turn public opinion against fertility clinics in order to prevent the Singularity
Glass , smash or bitcoin - nobody rides for free
Posted:Aug 8, 2018 6:24 pm
Last Updated:Aug 13, 2018 5:50 pm

Unbreakable is a great movie . I don't know if it's still in my top 5 but it's for sure in the top 10 . I never saw Split . I'm not a big fan of palms-up horror movies and I find stories about multiple personalities to be annoying . Seems like a lazy writing trick . It probably doesn't help that back when I was involved in writing workshops there was a guy who always wrote about multiple personalities and thought it was the greatest idea ever .

When the Glass trailer debuted at Comic-Con everyone lost their minds because they thought it was so awesome . I watched it , seemed a little underwhelming to me . I can't exactly put my finger on why but it seemed kind of cheap and shoddy to me - maybe it was the lighting to the set design or something ? And it seems weird to lump Sam Jackson's character in as someone who delusionally thinks they have super powers - there was nothing about that in Unbreakable . he just wanted to prove people exited that had super powers .

Anyway , I hope Glass is good but I have my doubts .

And now let's take a look at some of my company's reviews on Glassdoor shall we ? We shall .

Average rating is 3.1 , which is nice and average . 100% of people approve of the CEO - TWO whole people have voted !

Coming in hot with a 1 star review from a current employee ;


Parking is free, although that's expected outside of downtown. Expect a long walk if you get in after 8am. Lunch is free although you won't want to eat what they serve. Employee gardens are available.

Mentioning free parking is weird because even if you work downtown very few places (maybe none) make you for parking . Maybe they were reaching for pros . And long walk ? You could walk from the farthest parking place to the building in 2 minutes - it's not a large place . The lunch thing is a little harsh - the food is mostly mediocre but what do you expect for free ? The fish is always terrible .


Max 3% raise annually regardless of performance, bonuses are low or nonexistent, and base salary is not competitive with other companies in the area. Health isurance rates are poor, no home/auto discount for employees now that personal lines is sold, company and employees have created a culture that is afraid of change and technology. Vital systems go down on a weekly basis sometimes for hours at a time. Building is old and leaking with plumbing issues

I find the base salary thing interesting because they just announced they're going to give most people a cut because their salaries are higher than their competitors - which is a BS maneuver but does seem to be true . I also find it interesting that he mentions that employees have helped created a culture that is afraid of technology and change , because of course they have , that's what employees do . Must be an IT guy .

I'm glad someone else hates the janky building . Why would you buy a country club and try to turn it into a place of business ? The layout is insane . Also to nitpick that last sentence is wrong - it's leaking with water not plumbing issues .

Advice to Management

a competitive salary and cut out a lot of middle management. The organizational charts are a joke.

This also curious to me because the review isn't that old and there's basically no middle management at all - managers have like 100 people reporting to them - it's cray . We NEED middle managers . I also think it's funny that this person is complaining about the org charts - not the organization , the org charts . Who gives a shit ?

Ooh , next up is another one star review , not looking good - also it says this person disapproves of the CEO so where's the 100% come from ? Shenanigans I say ! This is from a former employee .


Free lunch but that was about it.


Systems are old. Leadership does not support you.

Short and to the point . I remember when I got this job EVERYONE knew it was the place with free lunch . People are weird . Lunch isn't hard to get , I can get my own lunch . It shouldn't be that big of a deal . Are there places where the systems aren't old and leadership supports you ? Do you deserve to be supported ? Ponder that .

Now we're turning the corner with a FIVE star review from a current employee ;


Positive Outlook

Approves of CEO

I have been working at GuideOne Insurance full-time (More than a year)


- Smart, solutions-oriented senior leadership team
- Customer focused and believe in the value of quality service in all aspects of the company
- Nice perks (fitness facility, free lunch, close parking, etc.)
- Fun, collaborative work culture (not all areas, but most)
- Recognition programs that reward hard work
- Friendly, inviting employees

Why is everyone on the parking thing ? This isn't New York City , it's not even the Twin Cities - I have never worked anywhere in Des Moines where parking was an issue . I find the last two things amusing because the recognition program is a joke that is gamed by the same 10 people to get the rewards every month and I find the attitude there to be very chilly and unfriendly .


- The amount of recent change leaves more tenured employees feeling angst
- Benefits could be better (i.e. PTO, maternity/paternity leave, etc.)
- Due to the size of the organization, lack of career growth opportunities

I think the benefits are pretty good but then I came from a place with no insurance so . . . you know . The first item is true and 100% warranted because management is aggressively trying to purge the long time employees and replace them with cheap millennials who'll work 90 hours a week for pennies on the dollar .

Advice to Management

- Continue rewarding hard work.
- Review benefits/ and better align them with other local companies are offering

Again with the ? What local companies are these people talking about that are forking over cash like . . . like . . . something that you fork over . Hay ?

That's enough of that .

It has been argued that the looking glass self conceptualization of the social self is critically incomplete in that it overlooks the divergent roles of ingroups and outgroups in self-definition . That is, it has been demonstrated that while individuals will converge upon the attitudes and behaviors of ingroup members , they will also diverge from the attitudes and behaviors of outgroup members .

The neglect of the latter scenario is attributed to the looking glass approaches’ implicit focus on ingroup member appraisals . This alternative perspective is derived from the self-categorization theory analysis of social influence . Indeed , it is further argued that the looking glass self metaphor fails to reflect the fact that influence derives from the self-categorization of other individuals as part of the self . In other words , people are not shaped by the reflections from ‘others’ but rather are shaped by the creation of a collective social identity that contrasts ‘us’ against relevant ‘others" .
The Game's a Foot
Posted:Aug 7, 2018 6:16 pm
Last Updated:Aug 8, 2018 5:43 pm
I don't "get" most fetishes , which is acceptable since I don't "have" them , but one that I really don't get is feet - because feet are mildly gross at best . I've occasionally rubbed a woman's feet because that's a thing , but I was inwardly cringing the whole time . I hate it when they spontaneously throw in some foot stuff in "normal" porn . The guy will be banging away and then all of a sudden he sticks her foot in his mouth and I scream and run out of the house and dive into a ditch . And then I get cited for public nudity . Thanks a lot porn .

There's a significant selection of women on this site who include a picture or two of their feet , I assume to harvest comments from the feet-people . But what I wonder is if you're a foot-dude are you into any feet or just nice looking feet ? Because , I have to say , some of the picture I see are of some pretty janky looking feet . Are the feeties into that ?

Like that scene in Kill Bill that I HATE where Uma Thurman is starting at her nasty feet for several minutes does that get them all hot and bothered or no ? Also if she was in a coma for long enough that her legs didn't work anymore wouldn't her arms also not work ? Do you know how hard it is to drag yourself around by your arms like that ? Try it sometime . There's no way she could have awaken(ed) from a X year coma and muscled herself around like that .

40 , it's just a movie don't be a nitpicker .

Counterpoint - Shut up you .

I don't like knees either as long as we're on the subject . Cover up your knees . Wear kneepads not just for my sake but also to avoid banging your knee - because that hurts .

I'm not crazy about elbows either .

Remember the Foot clan from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ? I do . They were an homage to the Hand ninja clan from Marvel comics . It's hard to name ninja clans .

Remember a few months ago when I mentioned that a shady massage place at moved into the spot on the corner where they used to be a shady gym that no one ever went to ? Of course you don't . I noticed a couple days ago that they have an eviction notice on the door . Which I've never seen on a business .

I mentioned this to one of my old work cronies and she said that they mentioned on the news how all these massage places had popped up a while back and now they're all getting shut down for involvement in human trafficking . So that was a disturbing piece of information . I read an article about it and it mentioned that Des Moines is one of the 100 worst cities for trafficking which was startling at first , but then I remembered that the USA doesn't have THAT many massive urban centers and Des Moines is one of the 100 biggest cities . So I guess that means every moderate or large sized city has an issue with trafficking ?

It's one of those things that just puts you in a malaise because what can be done about it ? I looking at a few things produced by various law enforcement agencies about what you can do to help combat human trafficking and the answer (my interpretation) seems to be nothing . Aside from not patronizing tug joints which is feels like nothing .

Because I am a man who's been inundated with violent hero media my entire life ala Die Hard/Lethal Weapon/Rambo/James Bond done of my standard daydreams is that I'm driving along and then I notice that a truck in front of me has people in the back and they're waving for my help and it turns into a whole action sequence where I save all these women from the clutches of the traffickers . If only it was that easy .

I suppose the reason we make movies where the hero shoots all the bad guys and saves the day is because in the real world things don't shake out like that . This has essentially been a problem for all of human history so who exactly are we supposed to shoot ? Do the men that go to these places not realize what the deal is ? How can they not ? But by the same token how can there be enough men who don't care to keep this a viable business ? Are they more responsible than the traffickers themselves ? Is the real problem capitalism/consumerism ? I mean these people wouldn't be doing it if there was no money to be had right ? And the women that fall victim to are able to be victimized because they're poor right ?

Would the problem go away if prostitution was legalized ? Or would it get worse ?

People often say that there's no easy answers but I don't think that goes far enough - often times there don't appear to be any hard answers either .

In case you're wonder in the truckload of sex trafficking daydream I get my ear and nose shot off by the traffickers . Most of my violent man-fantasies involve me getting maimed in some fashion . That probably means something . In case you were wondering here's the other ones in the rotation .

A guy tries to kill his ex-wife with trained attack dogs and I fight them off - getting savagely mauled in the process

A woman with mental problems leaves her baby on a wasp mound and I have to rescue it - getting stung hundreds of times on the face , arms and torso in the process (this one is the least violent but also the one where I almost die)

Some frat boys that I testify against in a gang (banned topic) case drive up from Louisiana and initiate a home invasion on me where I blind them with a flashlight and fight them off with a curtain rod and a kitchen knife

Working late one night I come across some dudes running a dog fighting ring and it turns into a violent confrontation .

Some people are shooting at cars on the highway with rifles from sniper positions in the woods and I creep up on them and take them out stealth style .

Of course in all these scenarios while I'm bloody and battered I suffer no long term health effects other than cool scars and am lauded as a hero - although of course I'm too humble to brag about it .

I assume most American men have these kinds of daydreams - I don't say "fantasy" because to me that indicates something that you want to actually happen - but maybe I'm wrong . Maybe most men don't have these thoughts and I have some kind of syndrome .

Someone said that what I should do to help is follow Ashton Kutcher on twitter because he's against sex trafficking which is not good advice on several levels but it did remind me of the ad he did a while back saying "Real men don't buy women" which to me is one of those things that wildly misses the point .

Basically the message was "don't do this bad thing because then you're a pussy" which is macho bullshit , and isn't macho bullshit part of the problem that's causing the thing we're trying to stop ?

Obviously no man who was going to go to a massage parlor is going to see that commercial and then think "Oh , I better not , I don't want people to think I'm not a real man ."

Maybe I shouldn't criticize because it's not like I have any better ideas
Would you like to play a game ?
Posted:Aug 6, 2018 5:32 pm
Last Updated:Aug 8, 2018 5:49 pm

A lot of women around these parts have comments about hygiene on their profiles - is that code for something ? Or are there just a lot of guys who don't bother to hose off their Juggalo make-up before going out on a date ?

Another thing a lot of people put in their profiles is that they don't want any games - which is interesting because if everyone has to put that warning out there it must mean there's a lot of game players right ? And yet everyone says they don't want that . Every now and then you do run into a profile though where someone says they love drama .

Back in the day I had a girlfriend who never called me - I always had to call her even thought we went out like 4-5 times a week at that point . So one time I decided not to call her and see how long she would wait before she called me . I considered that an experiment . She said I was playing games .

At work today a lady was making fun of my skinny arms . And yet , if I were to hide in the backseat of her grey 2010 Honda Civic which never has the doors locked and wait there for hours after she got home and was sure was asleep and crept up to her bedroom and set her tits on fire I would be the one who went to jail . That's justice for you .

For no real reason it reminded me of the time a lady accused me of creating a hostile work environment because I never laughed at her jokes .

And that reminded me of the lady who told me that I was selfish for not trying to get a promotion because she couldn't have my job if I never moved up . And I said to her I said "So you want me to apply for a job because it would help YOU and I'M selfish ?" She didn't seem to appreciate the irony .

She's the same lady who divorced her husband because he was no good at sex . Which I still find somewhat shocking . Everyone knows women don't like sex . Every sitcom and standup comedian says so .

Remember when they guy sued KLBA because he won a "foursome" with Bananarama and then was mad because it was a golf foursome not the kind where you bang ? I do .

Obviously that guy was crazy , but could you have a contest where the prize is sex ? I feel like you can't , but is it prostitution if no money or goods are traded ? Or are you paying for the Bananrama sex by listening to the radio station ? What if I just have a clipboard and you sign up for a random drawing who gets a handjob from Sarah Dallin . Illegal ? Legal ? Where's the line .

I wonder the same thing about porn - you're paying for sex right ? How is that not prostitution ? Seems like if you were busted banging a hooker you could just "no , no , were filming a porno here" and then you'd just get cited for making a movie without a permit . Which I think would play much better in a job interview .

"Wow Steve , it says here you've been busting for filming without a permit 37 times ."

"What can I say , I love cinema ."

"You're just the kind of person we want here at Moxie Solar ."

The supposed male infatuation with threesomes has never made a ton of sense to me on account of the One Penis Conundrum , three girls makes more sense - then you can at least watch the other two while you're doing the deed with lucky lady #3 . I suppose that's the main benefit of being bi-sexual , things never get tricky with group sex .

Did you know that Bananarama is in the Guinness Book as the female music group with the most charted songs ? I didn't .
Atomic Sex Squadron #23
Posted:Aug 5, 2018 2:23 pm
Last Updated:Aug 6, 2018 5:03 pm
Just remember what old Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, and the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big old storm right square in the eye and he says, 'Give me your best shot, pal. I can take it.'

Big Trouble In Little China was on yesterday - I had forgotten that Kim Cattrall was in that movie . For some reason I forget that she was all over the place back in the day - I always kind of thing she just came around for Sex in the City . I mean she was in Star Trek and Mannequin for Pete's sake , not to mention the fact that she was the chick masturbating in Porky's . But while I was researching that I came across something even more astonishing - she was married to Larry David ! Also she's British which I wouldn't have guessed , but that's nothing compared to the Larry David thing . We live in a world where Larry David and Kim Cattrall were banging on the reg . Think about that . I mean really think about it .

She also wrote a book about female orgasms , here's one of it's many FIVE STAR reviews from Amazon

"Book is in a good condition. Thank you."

Hubba-Hubba !

There's a lengthy debate on Wikipedia on whether Kim Cattrall did or did not pose nude on the bridge of the enterprise in her Vulcan ears and that Leonard Nimoy found out about it and destroyed all the film .

I hope it happened . I hope the same thing happened with every woman who's played a Vulcan and Leonard Nimoy was always there to swoop in and say "no way Jose"

Are you ever tempted to touch a hot pan just to see if you're still capable of feeling anything ? Me neither . That would be crazy .

The other day my buddy Kokoro Hikareteku was saying something to me and he said "I don't mean that as a criticism" and I asked him what he would say if he were to criticize me (which is something I often wonder about - what would people say to me if they felt comfortable really telling me what the didn't like) and the only thing he was willing to admit was that "sometimes you judge people pretty harshly on minor things" .

You know what bugs me ? When people say they were "made" to do something . Like at work when Greg said "40 , I am SO tired , I was out to 2 AM last night , my friends MADE me go out drinking with them" I kind of want to spit in Greg's face . No one made you do shit .

Remember that time Gerry asked me if I had a picture of my GF on my phone because he was trying to prove a point about something and I said "I don't have a GF , or a phone" and he looked super sad and then put his arm around me sand said "Don't worry buddy , stick with me and I'll get your life back on track" and then I threw powdered lemonade power in his eyes , blinding him , and then punched him in the kidney so hard one of his testicles partially ruptured ?

How come no one told me they have a different lunch menu at Bubba on Sunday's ? There was NO Gator Po Boy to be had . I settled for Crawfish Fritters which were great , but when you want gator nothing else will really satisfy .

You ever notice when you go to eat someplace and you're expecting a certain thing and they don't have it no matter how stuffed you feel after the meal you're hungry again like an hour later ? It's like your brain can't handle that you didn't get what you wanted .
Christian Mingle - The Movie
Posted:Aug 4, 2018 7:33 pm
Last Updated:Aug 5, 2018 2:25 pm
Did you know that was a thing ? I didn't . I was going to watch it , or as much of it as I could stomach , you know for laughs but I was immediately distracted by the fact that it was written and directed by Corbin Bernsen . If he like a big time Christian dude ? And when I was trying to look into that I found out that he has the world's largest snow globe collection . The world is an interesting place . Which is good because we're here for a while yet .

Speaking of , when (if) I die and it turns out that there is a god I think I'll say to "him" "How about best two out of three ? Come on , what are you , a pussy ?"

Because of Ant Man & The Wasp Evangeline Lilly is a thing again and she's been talking about Lost a lot , specifically she it wasn't a good time for her . Which is a bummer because even though that show had a crummy last season and THE WORST finale in the history of things ending there was a time when I really loved that show . I still maintain that the 1st season of Lost is the best single season of TV so far .

Besides feeling pressured into doing partial nude scenes she also didn't like the fact that her character started out cool and interesting and quickly became a pair of tits for Jack and Sawyer to fight over . I don't know why that never occurred to me because it bothered me as watcher . I wonder what the actors pretending to fight over said tits felt about it . Probably they were just happen it meant more screentime for them .

As much as I HATE HATE HATE the way that show ended I can't really think of a good story arc for that show . I think they kind of fucked themselves by having a neat concept that couldn't really ever been explained in a satisfactory way .

I will now honor her objection to being eye candy by posting a picture of her in her underwear .

Speaking of great seasons of TV shows I was reading an article about the 25 best seasons of TV ever (because that's the kind of thing I do with my life) and first of all several seasons of the British version of the Office were on there . Which I never cared for . The other day some nerd bully was saying that anyone who liked the American version of the Office better than the original was a piece of trash .

Also on the list was the second season of Fargo - the one with Kirsten Dunst and the kid from Breaking Bad (not Jesse the creepy one) - which I found surprising because while I liked every season of Fargo so far I thought the second season was the weakest .

To me the first season was the best , possibly because it was the most like the movie - kind of schlubby loser gets in over his head and then turns out to be a legit asshole . Martin Freeman's character was simply evil in the end . And I liked that . Plus Billy Bob Thorton was fantastic .

The gang war aspect of the second season didn't do much for me - especially because the dude from Burn Notice turned in a very wooden performance if you ask me (which you don't) . And the part with the UFO ? I get it there's always a kind of weird unexplained thing that happens in every season but that was too much for me .

Every now and then I look for a website or something that will point out all the connections between the different seasons and the movie but there's not a lot out there - and the dude that makes it tells people not to do that because he feels people need to find those details on their own . Which is mildly annoying . I get it , he's trying to make people watch his stuff over and over again searching for all the little details but I'm not going to . I just want someone else to point out the stuff I missed .

Just recently they said there is going to be a 4th season set in the 50s and it sounds like it's going to be another gang war plot . Chris Rock has been cast as one of the gang leaders . Has he ever played a dramatic role before ? I'm trying to reserve judgment but I'm not super hopeful .

Also wasn't there supposed to be a new Flight of the Concords this summer ? When's that coming ?

In conclusion TV TV TV TV .

I ordered out for both lunch and dinner today . It made me feel like a loser . Lunch was just because I was running behind and had no time but dinner was because I kind of blew it grocery shopping last week . It's funny how even after 23 years experience in buying groceries you can still mess it up sometimes .

I ordered Chinese for dinner . Remember the time I ordered Chinese and the delivery girl came in uninvited because she saw I was watching game thrones and then we had sex ? I do . But even though it happened to be I kind of don't believe it . You know ?

I'll play but only if I can be a lesbian barbarian with an elf girlfriend
Posted:Aug 3, 2018 7:13 pm
Last Updated:Aug 8, 2018 5:48 pm

I mostly just game with the same people and have for , you know , 30 or so - but every now and then I interact with outsiders and then I think "Oh , yeah , that's why people think D&D players are huge losers" .

I suppose I shouldn't judge , but then again as a counterpoint , why not ?

People often ask "40 , why are the overwhelming majority of vampires Christians ?" It's rather simple really , people like things that they can relate to - and there's a lot of similarities between vampires and our lord and savior Jesus Christ .

For instance , you have to invite Jesus into your heart - he can't come in on his own . Just like a vampire can't enter your house without being invited - aside from a master vampire in his home area of course .

Also much like vampires are repelled by the sign of the cross Jesus is also not a big fan of crucifixes , for obvious reasons .

And of course , the sacrament of holy communion obviously speaks to the dietary needs of the vampire .

Add on top of that Jesus's resurrection from the dead and the vampire's "crossing over" and you can see how there's a lot of parallels there .

Besides which the main themes of Christian are ones of forgiveness and redemption - which is definitely going to appeal to the undead . I mean think about it , what do you and I really have to be sorry about - I mean REALLY sorry . We're born in original sin and all that , but mostly we're just selfish and lazy - which is bad for sure , but doesn't really emotionally effect us in a way that makes us crave salvation .

A vampire on the other hand , being a slave to their dark desires have a lot to feel like they need forgiveness for - even the good ones that become cops on the night shift . It's akin to how the Samurai of Japan were attracted to Christianity when it first started coming around in Japan - they were professional murders , no matter how justified you feel you are in doing that kind of thing it's going to weigh on you - and then a religion comes around that offers you salivation and promises that all your dark deeds will be washed away ? That's a winning proposition .

Somebody asked me the other day "What is your blog about ?" and I was all like "Well . . . ." Please write a short essay on what you think this blog is about .

I have a pile of running shoes that no longer feel comfortable to me but I "can't" throw them out because they still function fine as shoes you know ? Which is stupid because they're no good to anyone . Who wants used running shoes ?

My ankle was bothering me for a couple days and I think part of is my shoes so I decided to see how often the "experts" say you should replace them . Pretty consistently "they" say you should get a new pair every 300--500 miles . At first I thought this was an outrageous lie to sell more expensive running shoes but thinking back every time I get a new pair they really only seem comfortable for the first 3-4 months .

Which is annoying . It never ends .

Because of said ankle issue I did a couple work-outs for people with a busted wheel . Now , I know that not skinny or even "normal" but I thought I was slimming down some - but there's nothing like doing a bunch of sit-ups and crunches to remind you how flabby you are . Having that big belly bobbing right in your face is kind of a downer .

Speaking of (not really) I tell you this , those women in the Peleton commercial are pretty good looking .

Tomorrow is my birthday - please send me your tributes in the form of novellas about an alternate history where Dracula becomes president after Lincoln is assassinated .
Would you expect a porn star to put out on the first date ?
Posted:Jul 31, 2018 6:14 pm
Last Updated:Aug 3, 2018 6:44 pm
If you're going to make a pegging compilation on Pornhub , which you should , I suggest as the music for this artistic endeavor the Violent Femmes "Girl Trouble" . For obvious reasons . You've got pretty stiff competition in "Pegging Groove" though .

Speaking of (not really) remember a while ago when I mentioned that I masturbated and nothing came out ? That happened again . I'm afraid to google it because it can't be anything good . This weekend I think I'll try again and if happens a third time I'll have to worry about it . So you know , pray for my ejaculate .

This is going to be a terrible post for everyone else in the world who texts and FBs and instagrams and all that because it's going to be old news but I don't care . A friend send me some pics from an "app" that proports to show what you'd look like in various states . Pure balderdash of course but amusing .

This is older me ;

This one actually seems moderately plausible although I think I'll be lucky to be that good looking when I'm "old" . I mean for an older dude , not bad .

This is where things start getting ludicrous . This is supposed to be young me ;

Now , and this is hard to believe I know , but I was young once - and I didn't look anything like that . This dude is one handsome cowboy . Hubba-Hubba you know ? If I looked like that when I was "young" I would have had ALL the sex .

And now we get to the truly insane , this is what "they" say I would look like were I a lady instead of a fella ;

RE-DIC-U-LOUS . My attractiveness as a man is debatable , I'm no Brad Pitt obviously but I'm no pigman either - but I would be a rough looking woman . We're talking a triple bagger - one for me , for the guy and one for anyone unfortunate enough to be watching .

This is what I would look like as a woman ;

The friend who sent me these speculated that the app is trying to appeal to the male fantasy of being a sexy lady - which seems plausible to me even though I have never heard any man say anything about that . I just think that men tend to think they're awesome generally so why wouldn't they assume if they were a woman they'd be a real piece of ass ?

Remember that old movie with Jimmy Smits and Ellen Barkin where the pushy Lothario type dude is reincarnated as a sexy lady ? I do . Strangely I think that movie actually captures pretty accurately how a (non-trans type) man would react to spontaneously becoming a sexy lady . Spoiler alert the end of the movie is that Jimmy Smits (banned topic) Ellen Barkin but the movie came out back in the days when casual (banned topic) in movies was okay .

I've been thinking more about this Jimmy Garappolo-Kiara Mia scenario because of course I have . And my question is if you go out with a porn star do you expect them to be DTF immediately ? There seem to be two ways porn stars present themselves ;

1 - We're just normal people with a weird job


I'm not sure I buy either because I feel like the one thing that porn stars have in common with pro wrestlers is that they're essentially "in character" all the time . You know ? Like when Kiara Mia is on the radio (that's still a thing ? ) and saying that she's a huge slut and wants to bang 88 dudes a day - most likely she's just selling her porn star persona . If you're the kind of person who wants to listen to porn stars talk that's what you want to hear them say right ?

In wrestling they call it "kayfabe" .

A few weeks ago I watched a documentary about stupid Hulk Hogan and his lawsuit against Gawker and there was some footage from the trial where the lawyer was trying to impeach his claim of "mental damages" because he was on the radio (again ?! ) bragging about the sex tape to Howard Stern . And his defense was that that wasn't him - that was the character of Hulk Hogan . My friend watching it with me rolled her eyes at that , but it makes perfect sense to me .

Because wrestling (hold onto your butts) is weird . No one thinks that Bruce Willis IS John Mclane (no one sane anyway) and he doesn't pretend he is John McLane when he's not filming but when Chris Jericho is out and about generally he's portraying the character of Chris Jericho because he's trying to sell the reality of something that everyone knows is fake . Sidenote that's why some wrestlers go off the deepend it seems - they forget there's a real person under all that nonsense .

Anyway I feel like it's probably the same for porn stars - if you're out in public you want to project a certain whorey image because that's what's going to make you money .

But also , even if answer is #1 I feel like if you job is sex do you really want to do that in your free time ? It wouldn't surprise me if a porn star didn't really want to bang ever .

And also I wonder if you're Jimmy in that scenario would you want her to put out ? I mean setting aside and STD concerns what are you going to do to impress her ? Although I assume she's probably pretty great and giving blowjobs . Practice makes perfect .
Chin to taints since 1998
Posted:Jul 30, 2018 7:09 pm
Last Updated:Jul 31, 2018 7:09 pm

Remember Jonesy , the cat from Alien and Aliens ? I do . Whatever your relative opinion RE cats and dogs you have to admit that a cat would be a much better pet to have on a space ship . A dog would go nuts on a space ship . A cat is just going to wander around doing cat stuff and occasionally hissing at a xenoform . I mean you want to crawl into a hibernation pod with a dog ? That things is going to go crazy .

Although I suppose the Russians did actually send a dog into space . I don't think there's ever been an actual space cat . I mean it didn't turn out great but it wasn't the dog's fault .

Remember when they took those spiders into space to see what they would do in low-gravity and they went berserk ? I do .

Today at work someone said to me they said "What did you do this weekend 40 ?" and I says to them I says "Not much , I went to the Smoke Out Hunger BBQ" and they go "Cool , who did you go with ?" and I told them I went by myself .


I amused by the level of horror and concern some people show when you tell them you went and did something alone . Even if they don't give a shit about you (which let's face it , they don't) you can see in their face they immediately start thinking "How can I help this poor disgusting wretch that is so pathetic they had to do something by themselves ?" Like if you say "extremists killed my whole family" they give you no reaction but if you say you want to see "A Quiet Place" without someone else they lose their freaking minds .

I suppose it kind of makes sense for some people . Two of my friends who've been married forever and have a million kids really can't handle being alone - if they're alone in the house for a weekend they flip their lids . I suppose it's all just what you're used to . I'd probably be equally as mentally uncomfortable is a bunch of people showed up and started living with me .

I mentioned to my best pal the other day that a better plot for a movie than the very tired "crazy murderer saves little girl and decides life has meaning" would be the aftermath - aka a movie about a mentally traumatized little girl being raised by said maniac . Now that's a platform for drama .

So it got me thinking about some other formulas that we could update for movie plots ;

Rogue cop with a deathwish is paired with straight-laced detective about to retire . Rogue cop is fired from the force and faces criminal charges for his many uses of excessive force . Straight-laced cop retires without incident .

A group of estranged siblings gathers for their parent's funeral - everyone is civil and no issues are dredged up . They return home and never really speak again .

An uptight workaholic learns no lesson and their spouse divorces them , they later remarry but it doesn't really work out .

An outcast is accepted into the in-crowd and finds out that it's totally the best and completed forgets about their other outcast friends .

Someone tells a lie to try and hook up with someone else , the lie is never discovered until later and it rips their marriage apart .

A fish out of water is never accepted by their new community and leaves .

A motley crew of losers is destroyed by a superior team and abandons all hope .

Someone realizes they've made a terrible mistake and runs to the airport but the plane has already left - and the person was on it .

The criminal protagonist does NOT have a heart of hold and screws over the hard luck case just like they said they would all along .

Keanu Reeves isn't the chosen one .

The lovable dope doesn't get the girl who's way out of his league .

The ex-special forces guy's family is killed by a drug lord and he reports it to the police and grieves quietly and mournfully .

The teen sex comedy ends with everyone being arrested for their many sex crimes .

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